Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
