Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
