I need help removing her.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
