she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
