It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
