Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
