btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize