he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
