So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
