i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
