Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
