If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize