I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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