I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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