Soap is not a condiment
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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