I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
