Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
