He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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