my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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