Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
