im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
