If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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