she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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