Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm like, not good at living.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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