I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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