Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
