The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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