So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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