As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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