So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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