I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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