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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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• (559): View more from California

  my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.

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• (818): View more from California

  ...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?

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• (831): View more from California

  i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to

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• (607): View more from New York

  I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?

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• (925): View more from California

  I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.

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• (916): View more from California

  Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays

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