Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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