We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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