i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
