So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
