cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
