remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A bitchslap is in order.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
