Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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