I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
