You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
