I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
