OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
