If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
