I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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