I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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