i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
