I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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