Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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