oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize