before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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