After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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