my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He passed out mid-signature
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
