I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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