in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
pray to the hookup gods
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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