just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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