I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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