Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
