i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
