are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can i not drive my cunt home
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize