So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are we still banned from the library?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
