I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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