Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
