my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
