think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
