left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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