Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
