I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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