Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
