I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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