I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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