last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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