Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
