I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
