and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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